Beginning to a new end

11.11.08

Tomorrow I sign the papers that officially mark a close to the last five years of my life. It’s as though I have a loud speaker playing in my head – “Come in at 9am, meet the judge (if you’re lucky), sign on the dotted line, be on your merry way”.

So casual. Like getting a carton of milk from the grocery store. I think I had a harder time getting into the Bob Marley Fest when I was 16. In fact, I’m sure I did – the crowds were that heavy. At one point I remember that my feet were not touching the ground. I was held up by the enormous tug of the masses. Pushing, shoving, probably even groping. I had no control on my appendages even. An arm floating over someones head, a leg tucked behind someones else’s knee, my face buried in a large man’s underarm. The stench. I still remember that god-awful smell (Dreadful how scent triggers memory). And when I thought all was lost and I was forever gone, deep inside this abyss of bodies – they spit me out. Just like that.

I fixed myself, walked into Bayfront, sat on some grass with my girlfriends, giggled at the boys, listened to Marley whilst thinking I was just too cool for school. The man underarm episode was casually forgotten.

So casual. Like getting a carton of milk from the grocery store. Except this feels more like I’m getting up from the grass and going back into the abyss of bodies.

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